4. Intimacy: A 100-Day Guide to Lasting Relationships by Douglas Weiss, Ph.D.
I loved this book because a friend recommended it to me at a time when we were trudging through a proverbial season of drought in our marriage. It is the equivalent of hundreds of dollars and many, many hours of professional counseling. It’s also incredibly deep. There were some chapters in this book that probed deeply into my soul, illuminating areas of self-centeredness and self-preservation that needed to be dealt with, repented of, forgiven, and healed.
Two specific things that improved our marriage:
- (…and this one has had immeasurable impact) LeRoy began praying with me right before falling asleep. Actually, he prays. Occasionally, I add a few words. And sometimes, I fall asleep before he finishes, so he just prays anyway.
- This next one was for me, (because I saw how foolish and immature I was behaving). Weiss writes about Emotional Maturity and places six topics into three very different categories, describing each one in detail: Child, Adolescent, and Adult. The topics are spiritual, social, financial, sexual, feelings, and fun. That was enlightening. Now, I’ll tell you, I’m not where I’d like to be, but I’m thankful I’m not where I used to be. If you ask God to mature you… He’s faithful to provide the necessary training in order to answer with a resounding Yes! 🙂
No, I don’t necessarily recommend this book. It has a lot in it that takes the two of you being in agreement. I’ve learned over the years that LeRoy and I are usually in different stages of maturing. Sometimes he’s ahead of me in certain areas and sometimes I’m ahead of him in other areas. In light of this, it’s better to work on yourself, pray for your spouse, and lovingly, with discernment, make suggestions along the way. If you’re prone to seeds of resentment or bitterness, there are other books out there that are better than this one. But, if you and your spouse are both introspective over-achievers — with a dose of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) — who are passionate about going deep, doing lots of soul searching, and keeping up on homework for 100 days… you may enjoy this book.